drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize