The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
