Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
