how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
