just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
