All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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