yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Randomize
