mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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