I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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