Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
