At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
