How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Randomize
