meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
