This girl is more easily done than said...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
