i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
