your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
