I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
