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just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
