he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
