Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
