idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she looked like the before picture.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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