just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
