Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
