im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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