guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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