See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
