The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
