Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
