Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
