just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
