Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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