So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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