He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
