no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
