Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
