I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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