we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
