is your mom at the bar?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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