but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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