But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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