I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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