he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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