Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
