I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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