She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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