Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
