He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
