there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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