I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
