oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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