i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
